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Jeff Lampe
Jeff Lampe

Jeff Lampe has been outdoor writer at the Journal Star in Peoria for 12 duck seasons. He lives in Elmwood with his wife Monica, sons Henry, Victor and Walter, and Llewellin setter Hawkeye. A native of Buffalo, N.Y., he is an avid fan of the Bills and still has mental scars from four consecutive Super Bowl losses. Outside of hunting and fishing, Lampe's main passion in Illinois was Class A boys basketball (which sadly no longer exists). Former publisher of the Class A Weekly newsletter, Lampe is a co-author of "100 Years of Madness" and "Classical Madness," both books focusing on prep basketball in Illinois.

Illinois Outdoors


A Web log by Jeff Lampe of the Journal Star

Illinois hunting and fishing

Poetry for guys

November 25, 2009 at 06:55 AM

Dunlap native Scott “Stormin” Norman left home for 12 years to work and enjoy Alaska.

Since returning home to spend time with his mother in Princeville, Norman—who bills himself as the Picasso of Pumpkin Carving—has spent time carving wood and pumpkins and writing poetry.

His latest collection is called “Poetry for Guys,” with poems on topics ranging from cleaning paintbrushes to mushroom hunting to starting lawn mowers.

“Somewhere along the line poetry quit being fun and started being work,” Norman said. “When you sit in a deer stand and you notice something, that’s what I’m talking about. We see things that are unique or cool, but there’s something poetic about it.”

The book costs $9.99 and is available at or call (309) 264-7209.

Future works will include “Poetry for Dogs.”

Here are a few samples.

No Trespassing

Why is it
All the good mushroom hunting spots
Are in the woods
behind no trespassing signs?
A better question though
Is how do I know this?

Dog nails

The pink part is called the quick
if you cut it
quick to bleed
which happens often enough.

Trim the nails
in the bathroom
closer to the first aid kit.
The smooth floor
doesn’t absorb the blood
the way the carpet does.

The dog comes in the room
head bowed down
walking in with the same gait
of a dog in the pound
taking a one way stroll.

A hand held guillotine
chops the tops of claws.
A black hood covers the nails
not the executioner.
The quick hides in black nails
A hidden vein
inside an ebony fingernail.

The dog watches every trim
with yelp ready, no doubt.
How they squirm
when there is a chance
for blood and pain.

First one done
then a second
then a third
a false sense of security?
Clippings jump from the clippers
cheerleaders of a painless shave.

It is done
the baking soda
stays in the box.
A rub of the head
an aggressive
“You’re a good dog.”
A furious dash
for an open door
escape from grooming hell.

A single treat
no, better make it four
one for each successful paw.
Jerky treats
canine cigarettes
calming the nerves of the dog
while tobacco treats
calm the nerves of the groomer.




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